Fear is often accompanied by behaviors that can often be misinterpreted as unrelated. Some of those behaviors are anger, retaliation, offense, violence, and even murder. According to the word of God, fear is a spirit, and it runs with others who assist in its mission to steal kill, and destroy your marriage. If you think that your communication issues are only communication issues think again. Most communication issues stem from a place of fear.

The Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, for God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power love, and a sound mind. If God did not give us this spirit of fear, who did? Satan is the mastermind behind that spirit of fear and he hopes that you never find out, just so that we are clear on this. But the scripture didn't stop there, it continues to give revelation. The text says instead of fear, God gives power, love, and a sound mind.

So, it is very clear to me that whenever fear is in our hearts, we will lose power, soundness of mind, and our ability to love. Many of us are afraid of intimacy in marriage because it requires transparency and vulnerability. Some men are chauvinistic, and we are afraid of being taken advantage of by our wives if we treat them as equals. Some of us are simply broken and unprepared on the inside and we don't want to be exposed so we act tougher than we are out of fear of looking inadequate. The source of your fear will always determine the behavior or spirit you employ to hide that fear. Many marriages are experiencing breakdowns in communication and fighting, but the source of the problem is fear.

During a counseling session with a husband, he revealed to me that he was intimidated by his wife's success and felt as if he was a failure because he was not as educated, disciplined, or driven as she was. He never shared this with his wife, but he did argue with her a lot and made sure that he resisted her ideas and suggestions. While the wife was thinking they had a communication issue, they actually had an issue of fear in the heart of the husband. According to 2 Timothy 1:7, Fear disables our ability to love the way God is commanding us to love. What is this God kind of love? 1 Corinthians 13:4- 8 tells us that Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.

In the absence of love, we see impatience and an absence of kindness. A lot is going wrong when we see these things. This message is here mainly to open your eyes and bring awareness to the issue of fear that may be plaguing your marriage without you knowing. The solution to this problem is to get into the presence of God to establish an intimate relationship with Him. Our problem is not what we are facing with our spouse. Our real problem is that we do not know who we are in God. God has a way of fixing our identity, acceptance, security, and purpose as we spend intimate time with Him. This is the real solution to putting the spirit of fear to death.

1 John 4:18 tells us; There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. Every man must put himself in a position to heal and grow into exactly what God has intended for him to be. This is why I started a men's group called The Secret Place on Facebook. This is why we meet on Zoom every Tuesday at 9 pm for Bible study and prayer. We are the foundation of our family and community. If we are not doing well our families and society will face major problems.

Joel Ross