The first of four pillars of intimacy is mutual respect. Without mutual respect, the relationship will not begin its journey towards emotional intimacy. The four pillars of intimacy are mutual respect, common goals, tolerance, and communication. Many relationships lack mutual respect in one way or another, and it negatively affects the growth of that couple's intimacy. If most of us are honest with ourselves, we will see the areas in our behavior where we can grow in our respect for our spouse. Sherilyn and I once counseled a woman who was not aware of her natural tendency to disrespect her husband. She came from a family where her father was in and out of her life, her grandfather was unfaithful to her grandmother, and her uncles had multiple children out of wedlock with different women. As we were discussing her family history with her, she began to confess to us that she realized that she has very little respect and faith in the opposite sex. Even though her husband came from a dual-parent home and he was patiently fighting for their marriage, she just could not disconnect her belief system from who he was as a person. It was not until she recognized and confessed her fears and changed her disposition that she was able to show him the respect he deserved, and they began to move forward. You see, people will not be quick to set goals with people they don't respect. We will not demonstrate tolerance for people we don't respect. And we certainly will not patiently and effectively communicate with a spouse we do not respect. Because intimacy is built on all four of those pillars, we must slow down to speed up by taking inventory of ourselves as our friend did as she discovered she needed to work on respect, in order to show him the respect he deserved and they began to move forward. You see, people will not be quick to set goals with people they don't respect. We will not demonstrate tolerance for people we don't respect. And we certainly will not patiently and effectively communicate with a spouse we do not respect. Because intimacy is built on all four of those pillars, we must slow down to speed up by taking inventory of ourselves as our friend did as she discovered she needed to work on respect.

Joel Ross.