Pillar Of Intimacy #3 (Tolerance)

Tolerance in marriage is about our awareness of the differences in our God-given design while respecting those differences. It's about our ability to leverage the strengths of those differences while recognizing that we don't need to change our spouse in order to get along or work better with them. Tolerance is also graceful and patient when there is a legitimate need for change. Tolerance is a function of knowledge and awareness of who we are, and a willingness to learn and implement God's plan for our marriage. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. In other words, God knows and understands our design better than we do and he is instructing us according to His divine understanding to be tolerant and collaborative.

That being said let's look at some of the areas of our design that can cause us much grief if we don't educate ourselves on those differences. Personality types vary and I can guarantee you that you are married to someone with a completely different personality type than yours. In my marriage my wife is considered a D/I personality, this means that she is a direct and interactive personality type. She is first very strong-willed and assertive while simultaneously possessing a very outgoing fun-loving personality. I on the other hand carry a steady and outgoing personality, S/I. The steadiness in my personality can tend to be a bit frustrating to Sherilyn because I need time to process things while Sherilyn is ready for a decision, plan, and action. If it was not for tolerance, it would be a very tense and dysfunctional relationship. Apart from personality differences our gender requires different things. The needs of men are different from the needs of women. The Love language of your spouse will most likely not be the same as yours. Your apology language will most likely be different and so will your money language and sex needs. So why am I highlighting all of these things? Because it is important that you know that there is a lot to learn about your spouse in order to show tolerance towards them. God shows this type of tolerance towards us daily. He never yells at us or mistreats us when we don't get it and when we are off course. He simply asks us to go get knowledge because he knows once revelation comes, we will grow. 2 Peter 3:9 says "9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance".

We are to be patient with each other as God is with us because tolerance will always pull on patience to get the job done.

Joel Ross