Pillar Of Intimacy #4 (Communication)
Before diving head-on into the topic of communication, let's look at some scriptures that will galvanize our hearts around God's intention for proper communication. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. Psalm 141:3 says, set a guard o Lord over my mouth keep watch over the doors of my lips. As we look at both of those scriptures, we see that the mouth can be a source of great trouble so we must always use with it caution.
Now that all of the other pillars of intimacy are in place you will both have the energy and momentum necessary to put the necessary work into effectively communicating with each other. Mutual respect, common goals, and tolerance being the first three pillars, makes it much easier to attain. The pillar of communication is the key tool you will need to advance the establishment of your emotional intimacy. With every word spoken and every gesture demonstrated, you must always make sure you are building up and not tearing down the relationship.
There is a lot to consider when communicating. I'm sure I will not cover it all but I do want to highlight some key points. The number one need for every man is respect and the number one need for every woman is security. That being said, we must make sure as husbands that our words are delivered in a package of security, and wives must make sure their words are delivered in a package of respect. Being aware of each other's design, temperament and needs is the key to communicating to effectively advance your relationship's intimacy. Once you know better you will do better and you will reap the benefit of being educated in this area of your life. We all need to be understood by our spouses, and when we are understood our communication will be better. Another key point that I would like to make is the importance of listening to each other for understanding. Before responding to what has been said, ask questions for clarity. Once we get the full picture of what our spouse is saying to us, now we can respond from a place of understanding, empathy, and compassion.
Temperaments and personality types will play a huge role in how we communicate. Even though I will not go into detail about the different personality types I will say you must get acquainted with your and your spouse's personality. A great book for you both to read would be Personality Plus by Florence Littauer. Do the assessment in that book and discover your personality, its strengths, and weaknesses. Also, get very familiar with your spouse's personality and the nuances around it. When it comes to communication in marriage, we have to become very clinical. You are not going to succeed in marriage with a casual approach in this area. Growth will play a tremendous role in our ability to execute everything that has been shared here. If there are areas of brokenness in you be prepared to struggle with communication until you grow yourself.
Rejection, abandonment, and low self-esteem will undermine anyone's ability to effectively communicate. There is a lot to consider when we begin to discuss this topic, but what I would like to bring to your attention is the fact that you will fight for growth in your ability to communicate if you have mutual respect, tolerance, and common goals with your spouse. Once the incentives are there you are more likely to Put in the work to overcome your shortcomings. So as Psalm 19:14 advised us "Let the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be acceptable in the sight of your Lord, your rock and redeemer"
Joel Ross
